Saturday, March 26, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Developing Healthy Relationships begins with you! Validating Yourself
Make sure to visit my new website www.talkwithfrancesca.com
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
Imagine that you are in a store where all the expensive stuff is priced low, and the inexpensive stuff is priced high. You would say, “This doesn’t look right.”
Imagine that you are in a store where all the expensive stuff is priced low, and the inexpensive stuff is priced high. You would say, “This doesn’t look right.”
The better we feel about ourselves, the less likely someone’s opinion of us is of any real importance. Of course we all want validation, but the real validation comes from within.
But let’s be real, do you know anyone that is indifferent to either praise or a sneer? We are ultimately in control of how we feel. But as sure is the sun will come up each day, I believe that we are affected by others. It is to the degree that this matters. People need people to be in relation to one another. This is how we check in with ourselves. That’s a good thing.
Don’t we all want to be acknowledged, understood, and approved of? The key is if you can love yourself and be happy with who you are, this will sustain you, particularly when you are disregarded. It’s not easy. It is a necessity to learn how we can overcome being jolted or worse, devastated when we don’t get the feedback and love that we want.
In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy had a dilemma. She wanted to go home but she wasn’t given accurate information. The munchkins told her that the wizard would solve all her problems. When she asked how she would find the wizard, they told her to follow the yellow brick road.
Were you ever influenced by someone who led you to believe that if you followed the yellow brick road you would be home? When we are young, we needed validation and approval. In fact, we could barely survive without it. It is difficult road for a child that doesn’t feel that validation. But as we grew up, hopefully we learned that we must validate ourselves. All too often, this isn’t what is taught and learned and as a result, the search for validation from others leads to decreased self-esteem. What’s worse, the more we search for it, the less validated we feel because it is too difficult for most to take on that responsibility for any real length of time. It’s like building castles in the sand. Even those that are particularly patient grow weary over time because it begins to take away from themselves. When a relationship is based on need rather than authentic love it eventually deteriorates. What’s worse is when you don’t feel good enough on your own, you are going to attract others that feel inferior as well. It’s not uncommon for those relationships to fall apart and then it becomes a cycle. You feel badly, you choose badly, the relationship ends badly.
If this sounds familiar, my recommendation is to create your own self-validation, critique yourself, give yourself the respect you deserve and especially praise yourself when you do something fabulous! Learn to take a compliment. The more you love yourself with all your quirks the more people will appreciate you for your uniqueness. Take responsibility for yourself. Appreciate what others offer you, but know we all have different qualities, and people come from their own frame of reference. It’s human to project. If we don’t have a good sense of ourselves, we are treading on a dangerous path. Someone is bound to project onto us.
I strongly encourage you to create your own sense of worth. This is not an easy road. It is a definitely the only route to take. Any other route is just a detour. So why make the journey longer than it needs to be?
Today I challenge you to think about how you can find traction along your route to self-validation.
Always remember this, be patient with yourself. Change happens slowly, then all at once.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Ever heard anyone say on their deathbed "I wish I had gone to another meeting?"
As a lifestyle and relationship coach, One of the biggest complaints from my clients is there is a lack of fun in their lives. When was the last time you brought some good old-fashioned fun into your life? Perspective is everything. So many of us viewed the snowstorms this winter as just another hassle. It wasn't easy to see all that snow piling up but it seems to me, someone decided that there was only one thing to do with it....would you agree that someone knows how to have a good time? Don't forget to Spring forward tonight-we made it through another winter!
What Drug is Charlie Sheen on? "The Charlie Sheen Drug"
Happy people don’t do drugs to elevate their moods. They are naturally joyful. They don’t hurt people because they realize that we are all connected and that although our journeys may be different, we have a respect for one another’s individual paths and don’t harass, hurt or abuse them. Abusive people like yourself are anything but happy; you are acting out to get attention. Screaming for it, in fact.
Charlie Sheen may be a media phenomenon at the moment but at what price? The “I can’t look but then again, I can’t look away” mentality is what contributes to the downfall of our society. Why would we want to watch him self-destruct?
These are the questions I wish someone would ask him if he is not “well” enough to seek help. Why can’t he stay straight? What does he loath about himself? If he won’t deal with AA or those that love him, who is willing to stick their necks out to point the hurt and sad little boy in the right direction? AA teaches that there is a higher power; surely he doesn’t believe he is the higher power. He knows exactly what he is doing. He is demanding attention and he’s getting it. That is power.
Is our society so sick that we need to watch such a sick man for entertainment? His father is right, he is ill just as though he had cancer, so treat it the same. If a man had cancer, would the details of the growth be all over the news for entertainment? I think not. If he can’t or won’t grow up, shouldn’t we, the healthier ones do our part not to contribute to this crap? Every time we watch and listen to Charlie Sheen we are enabling his behavior that is clearly toxic. But why and for who’s benefit?
He’s a troubled man. Period. He may have gone from star to meme, but there is a sad man inside. He’s clearly intent on destroying himself. That is the real core issue. Hopefully, America’s appetite for excess isn’t endless. There are limits even for celebrities. Hopefully the rest of Hollywood will treat him like a narcissist and addict should be treated; simply do not enable his behavior. Just like when a dog begs for food at dinner, you don’t even look at the dog.
What is so damn sad is that he has so much money that he has the luxury of getting the best care.
If we are not part of the solution, than we are part of the problem. What the media is doing for him is giving him permission to behave badly while condoning it. I’m hoping people will get bored fast.
He keeps talking about winning. Winning what? He’s lost his kids and his mind. He’ll accept a wink from any bimbo that will give it to him. Anyone that will pay attention to him gets to move in and spend his money. If any of these women really cared about him they would file a report if for no other reason than to get him help. If he’s abusive to women, he will be abusive to his children.
Charlie Sheen is plain and simply out of control. He’s glorifying drug use. I would guess that his cavalier attitude isn’t going to be welcome for long.
It’s a sad, sad story.
If you would like to receive my Monthly Newsletter, "Talk with Francesca" please click coachforrelationships.@gmail.com and type in the subject line “Talk with Francesca”
Friday, March 11, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The Invitation is Just for Today - Coming Home to You
My lunch is in the washing machine and my clothes are in the refrigerator.
Life moves fast. These days the way we keep in tenuous touch is with facebook and twitter feeds. Being fully present seems to be a celestial thought. Well, consider this.
If we could just allow ourselves to slow down enough to the beat of our hearts rather than the beats of the business meeting, we might just find an authentic connection both with ourselves and others.
Just for today, I invite you to slow down….be a witness to your breathing and be present in all your interactions.
Just for today, I invite you to ,whatever your beliefs are or have faith in, take the time to meditate, pray, be quiet, to come home to you.
Just for today, I invite you to put aside what you are going to say before the person you are communicating with finishes their last sentence.
Just for today, I invite you to stamp out memories that could confuse the present moment.
We are not losing time when we take the time. We are gaining valuable insights into ourselves and those we love. Being fully present allows us to empathize with another. Being fully present allows us to put aside judgments. It allows us to put aside control and bring our heart, mind and body into the moment.
Inspired. Good. Please confirm your attendance for today.
If you would like to receive my Monthly Newsletter, "Talk with Francesca", please click coachforrelationships@gmail.com and type in the subject line “Talk with Francesca”
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Do You Have a Psychic Vampire in Your Life?-Developing a Healthy Relationship with you
You know them, and they know you. That’s right. Psychic vampires. They know where you live. They know you live by the rules of being nice, offering a helping hand, having compassion and they take full advantage of it. They sneak in quietly and SUCK THE ENERGY RIGHT OUT OF YOU. Because they know they can. They know that your boundaries are weak and they can cross the line. And even if you get mad, they know that they can come back, do it again and you will let them back in.
They take all your “energy juice” leaving you dehydrated, disoriented and even sick. Exhausted.
Do you know one? If you do, ask yourself this. Why do you spend any time at all with this person? Because it’s a friend, relative, or partner? Not a good answer.
For your information, no is a complete sentence. Here’s a spine-tingling thought. Say no to someone you always say yes to. See how it feels. How do you feel now? Afraid? Ask yourself why. Confront the fear if that’s what it is. No reason for guilt. It’s a useless emotion unless you have done something that you know is dead wrong.
Staying away from people who rob you of your energy is not wrong. In fact, it’s humanitarian. Why pretend that the behavior is OK? Who are you serving? Ask yourself this; does it serve you to let others take your energy when you could be doing something fabulous with it? Removing yourself from the vampire tells the him/her that the behavior is not acceptable and is giving the person a chance to step up to the line.
Inspired? Good. Now fasten your seatbelt and get going. E-mail me because I want to know what you are doing with all that energy now that the psychic vampire has been given walking papers.
"Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it." - Author Unknown
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