24 Hour Crash Course…Five Steps to Dealing with A Slap in the Face

He is most powerful who has power over himself…Seneca

You’ve been here.  Life is going along just great and then in a matter of minutes the phone rings and you’ve been rejected.   You heard right.   Shocking news. You don’t believe it.  Feels like a slap in the face.

 You got a visual?  Good.

When we feel rejection, it can seem like it’s all about us; but most of the time, it isn’t about us at all.  Doesn’t matter.  You immediately feel that grip in your belly and you can actually feel the facial muscles drop.  You feel like nothing is going right in your life; you feel criticized, judged, can’t decide if you are sad or mad.  Doesn’t matter, you feel like crap.  Your feelings of worth are shaken. Here comes the downward spiral.   The self-talk starts getting out of control. 

Years ago I worked for a company that sold.  I was in crisis.  I was making a six- figure income and I couldn’t imagine working for the new owner. I tried but the hours were getting longer and the pay shorter.  I knew where things were headed.  It seemed so unfair.  All I wanted to do was complain about the bad deal I was just dealt.  A friend simply said to me, “You are putting your energy in the wrong place.  You are wasting valuable, precious time. “  It was a turning point for me.  How would I make it on my own?  I could either crash or deal with it.  I left the company and started my own business.  It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.   And, I never looked back.

Let me tell you this.  Life is ever changing.  Nothing stays the same.  If we go through life gripping at what we have, pretending that we have control over unforeseen circumstances, we will be forever disappointed.  We absolutely have control over how we deal with a situation.  We can either respond or react.  We don’t know when a tough break  might come, but it’s our attitude that determines if we look at a setback as a catastrophe or as an opportunity for growth.  Boy did I grow! Whenever I start feeling like things aren’t going in the direction I expect, I remember that time in my life and how I rode that wave instead of choosing to drown.

  Here’s my 5-step plan:

Step 1-Give yourself a full day to whine, complain to anyone who will enable you, eat junk, refuse to be nice to yourself and fully engage in licking your wounds.  You are entitled, after all, to treat yourself anyway you like.  I like to sing in my head, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” by Lesley Gore. It actually begins to make me laugh(always a good thing when you need a lift) It immediately begins to shift my feelings.  You have now given yourself adequate time to feel. 

Step 2

At the end of the day, tell yourself “Tomorrow is a new day; it’s got to be better than today”.  Seems like a no-brainer but in the heat of the crisis, we forget. By saying this, it already starts to feel less catastrophic. A cellular change actually happens when we shift our thinking.

Step 3-Next Day - Get up.  Take a deep, deep breath.  Take 10 minutes to write your thoughts down in a journal.  Remind yourself of five things that are fabulous about you. I mean it.  Don’t move on to the next assignment until you do.   Now,  write ten things that you are grateful for.  Make time to work out whether it’s going to the gym or taking  a 45 minute walk with your dog(nature is a wonderful healer) and then thank yourself for taking care of you. It is a scientific fact(no news here) that exercise is a huge stress reliever.  Yoga is also an awesome option.  I got certified several years back and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. Although I don’t teach yoga any longer, I love to take a yoga class, particularly when I need to self-soothe.

Step 4-I am a big believer in the Laws of Attraction.  While exercising, question why this happened and what good could come of it.  Really.  What is it that you can take away from this?  How can I grow from this?

Step 5- Listen to your self-talk.  What are you saying to yourself? If you need to shift it, do so immediately.  It will not serve you in any way if you speak negatively to yourself or serve you to internalize a lasting sense of failure.

Life is full of ups and downs.  This is no news to you.  I am not minimizing your feelings.   But how we ride the roller coaster is totally our choice.  Really.  Some of us know this.  If you didn’t know this, you do now.  Believe me.  We are in charge of where we go.   How you get there is up to you.  Take the challenge. Change your attitude.  You’ll be thrilled you did.