Welcome and thank you for visiting! I have launched my new website and I am no longer actively posting.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Developing Healthy Relationships begins with you! Validating Yourself
Make sure to visit my new website www.talkwithfrancesca.com
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
Imagine that you are in a store where all the expensive stuff is priced low, and the inexpensive stuff is priced high. You would say, “This doesn’t look right.”
Imagine that you are in a store where all the expensive stuff is priced low, and the inexpensive stuff is priced high. You would say, “This doesn’t look right.”
The better we feel about ourselves, the less likely someone’s opinion of us is of any real importance. Of course we all want validation, but the real validation comes from within.
But let’s be real, do you know anyone that is indifferent to either praise or a sneer? We are ultimately in control of how we feel. But as sure is the sun will come up each day, I believe that we are affected by others. It is to the degree that this matters. People need people to be in relation to one another. This is how we check in with ourselves. That’s a good thing.
Don’t we all want to be acknowledged, understood, and approved of? The key is if you can love yourself and be happy with who you are, this will sustain you, particularly when you are disregarded. It’s not easy. It is a necessity to learn how we can overcome being jolted or worse, devastated when we don’t get the feedback and love that we want.
In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy had a dilemma. She wanted to go home but she wasn’t given accurate information. The munchkins told her that the wizard would solve all her problems. When she asked how she would find the wizard, they told her to follow the yellow brick road.
Were you ever influenced by someone who led you to believe that if you followed the yellow brick road you would be home? When we are young, we needed validation and approval. In fact, we could barely survive without it. It is difficult road for a child that doesn’t feel that validation. But as we grew up, hopefully we learned that we must validate ourselves. All too often, this isn’t what is taught and learned and as a result, the search for validation from others leads to decreased self-esteem. What’s worse, the more we search for it, the less validated we feel because it is too difficult for most to take on that responsibility for any real length of time. It’s like building castles in the sand. Even those that are particularly patient grow weary over time because it begins to take away from themselves. When a relationship is based on need rather than authentic love it eventually deteriorates. What’s worse is when you don’t feel good enough on your own, you are going to attract others that feel inferior as well. It’s not uncommon for those relationships to fall apart and then it becomes a cycle. You feel badly, you choose badly, the relationship ends badly.
If this sounds familiar, my recommendation is to create your own self-validation, critique yourself, give yourself the respect you deserve and especially praise yourself when you do something fabulous! Learn to take a compliment. The more you love yourself with all your quirks the more people will appreciate you for your uniqueness. Take responsibility for yourself. Appreciate what others offer you, but know we all have different qualities, and people come from their own frame of reference. It’s human to project. If we don’t have a good sense of ourselves, we are treading on a dangerous path. Someone is bound to project onto us.
I strongly encourage you to create your own sense of worth. This is not an easy road. It is a definitely the only route to take. Any other route is just a detour. So why make the journey longer than it needs to be?
Today I challenge you to think about how you can find traction along your route to self-validation.
Always remember this, be patient with yourself. Change happens slowly, then all at once.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Ever heard anyone say on their deathbed "I wish I had gone to another meeting?"
As a lifestyle and relationship coach, One of the biggest complaints from my clients is there is a lack of fun in their lives. When was the last time you brought some good old-fashioned fun into your life? Perspective is everything. So many of us viewed the snowstorms this winter as just another hassle. It wasn't easy to see all that snow piling up but it seems to me, someone decided that there was only one thing to do with it....would you agree that someone knows how to have a good time? Don't forget to Spring forward tonight-we made it through another winter!
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